If you are one of those who want to learn how to say NO, I think you will like this post.
In fact, you will have already seen that there are a multitude of very interesting and practical posts, such as this one , that talk about the difficulty of saying no. This means that this feeling is very common and we want to know how to improve it.
As I have also observed in sessions with my clients, it is a generalized thing:
IT’S HARD FOR US TO SAY NO.
I have come to make you a proposal, I want to propose just the opposite:
FOCUS ON LEARNING TO SAY: YES!
You might be wondering: “But… why? The exact opposite of what I want and need is happening to me!
Don’t worry, it turns out we’re talking about the same thing. The only thing that changes is the perspective from which you observe yourself and carry out your inner work. And how do you do that?
I’ll give you an example:
Imagine that a friend has asked you for help assembling Ikea furniture (since I’m moving house, that comes to mind, hehe) but that afternoon doesn’t suit you, you prefer to stay working and then rest.
But you still say yes.
And then you think… why did I say yes if I didn’t want to? Well, that’s what you have to find out first,
What makes you say yes? Where does that answer come from?
-Maybe your commitment to that person,
-maybe the value of friendship is very important to you and so you honor it, or,
-Maybe, simply because you’re afraid of disappointing him.
-maybe because you think that’s what’s expected of you,
-maybe because you don’t know how to say otherwise
-maybe because you can’t stand having to say no.
etc… We do things for various reasons but that reason is not always the one we would like to “defend before an audience” (I invite my clients to imagine themselves sharing in front of an audience). When we act from there, without argumentation and without a sense of leadership , we deprive ourselves of a wonderful feeling of freedom that, in addition, will prevent us from enjoying assembling that piece of furniture.
😉
If you decide to help that friend, do it with conviction , with a leading role, so you feel that you are the owner of your decisions . Feel that it is a decision made from your freedom and not from obligation.
If, on the other hand, you decide to say NO to your friend, you are saying YES, in this case, to your rest, to your time alone, to that work you want to finish. BOTH OPTIONS ARE PERFECT, AS LONG AS YOU DECIDE FROM A FREE PLACE AND CAN ARGU IT FIRMLY. Therefore, this is my proposal:
Don’t focus so much on the fact that you have to learn to say NO or on thinking that it’s hard for you, but rather focus on what moves you , on knowing yourself better, on knowing where you choose from, on your values, on your needs, on what you want to live, on what you think you should do to feel happy with yourself. And do precisely that.
For some it will be putting together that furniture, for others it will be staying at home, each decision is ideal when it is made with maturity, freedom and feeling like a protagonist and not a victim.
It is an approach that, in my opinion, is more natural and simplifies the process.
Summarizing:
Focus on YES with maturity and calm and you will see how, automatically, naturally and without having to give explanations, you will also be saying NO to many things and people.
And without REMORSE AND GUILT you can live calmly with it.
As I tell my clients, “You can defend it in front of a large audience with total confidence.” Ready to put this approach into practice? Ready to learn how to say NO? And above all, first: Ready to know what you want to say YES to? I ask you now: What are you going to say YES to today? Thank you for reading me. I wish you a happy day of NOs and YESes as needed.
